Posted by DivorceLine in The next worst thing to being abused is retelling the story over and over, once more and once more in the context of a custody dispute. Of course, the operative words here are “over and over” “once more and once more.”
If you believe you are performing your child a service by letting his/her voice be heard in your custody battle, believe once more. Not about their voice factored into the equation, but about the impact of telling his/her story, over and over once more.
Hearing Your Abused Child’s Voice
It’s one thing to hear your child’s voice and an additional to let one’s voice be heard. Every time your child re-tells his/her story of family violence, the memory enlivens the experience once more.
Now with repeated exposure-that is, repeatedly enlivening the trauma of domestic violence-with multiple folks over an extended period time, disaster sets in. And the child can wear down psychologically from the inside out.
Is it the repetition of the trauma with out therapeutic intervention? Or, is it the polarization of the child? Or, is it both?
The Memory Is in the Muscle
You’ve heard the expression, ‘the memory is in the muscle.’ It suggests that the experience is stored in the tissue. What really is happening psycho-physiologically is the cognitive imagery elicits the affecting experiential counterpart. And your small one’s nightmare comes rushing in… uncontrollably.
Now, let’s make this even worse… Imagine that you are a young child and your nightmare comes rushing in and you go to your abusive parent’s house and are punished for letting your nightmare leak out.
The Polarized Abused Child
This child longs to tell and longs not to tell… for he/she knows the price to be paid. This is massive for the abused child, who deals with not only picking a parent, but also exposing the family violence dragons.
And moreover, this child encounters his/her internal traumatic flood every time he/she is expected to go through this with one more helping professional. Years into protracted divorce litigation, we locate the fractured child or adolescent.
Voice Solutions for You and Your Abused Child
If you are in a custody dispute that requires your child to disclose family violence, contemplate the help you can discover through organizations that turn into your child’s voice. There are entities that serve to take your child’s message to the locations it wants to be heard with out your child having to relive his/her nightmare over and over, once more and once more.
