Posted by DivorceLine in Stop a Divorce
There are ways to stop a divorce. In fact, let me tell you about one particular woman I spoke to. I remember this conversation like it was yesterday. Of course, you want to save your relationship. But you’re confused, afraid, and you don’t know where to turn. You want to save your relationship more than anything else, and you should! What can you do? You’re in a state of utter shock. This was not supposed to happen!
After all the tears, slammed doors, walking on eggshells, begging and pleading, you’re at a loss to stop a divorce from happening. You’ve both been through so much and you should be able to make peace with it, but you can’t. It doesn’t feel right, but you really don’t have a choice… right? Wrong! You can stop a divorce at anytime!
Can I Stop the Divorce?
Well, first, a short (and brutal) answer to the question. The answer is “No”. In almost every state, you cannot stop a divorce by yourself if your spouse is determined to get one. You can slow down the divorce. You can make it hurt more. You can make it cost more. But the nature of no-fault divorce in most states is that a spouse who’s absolutely determined to divorce can make it happen even over his or her spouse’s objections.
So what choices do you have? You have the informal power of persuasion. And precisely because you can slow down the divorce, you can make it more painful, and you can make it more expensive, you may have more options than you realize.
Divorce has all kinds of disadvantages, so it’s not to be entered into lightly. The key is that you do have alternatives to divorce, alternatives that in many cases may respond to your real needs better than a divorce would.
If you had been the one who decided to end the marriage and now keep thinking “how can I stop my divorce?” you ought to realize that you are in a a lot much better position than most individuals trying to conserve their relationships. You’ll have to swallow your pride and go to your partner with an apology. Clarify that you simply acted hastily and that now you regret it. Clarify that you no longer want the divorce, and maybe even that you simply never wanted it but you spoke out of anger and you had been incorrect.
This may seem like a difficult step, but it is necessary. Since you were the one to bring up the issue of divorce, your spouse may have started seriously considering and thinking that it’s a great concept, as well. If you want to stop your divorce you have to discover what your spouse thinks from the idea and make it obvious that you simply were incorrect. Unless they’ve had a great deal of time and decide that you had been right and divorce may be the best step, you can most likely save the marriage just by admitting you made a mistake.
If you’re wondering, “How can I stop my divorce when I didn’t want it in the first place,” then you have your work cut out for you. You are able to explain, without judgment or accusations, that you simply think the marriage is worth saving and that you simply don’t want a divorce. But the way you say it can make a difference.
It is essential for you personally to become really mature and calm about it. That’s not simple to do. Divorce is an emotional and painful point. But it is one point to cry whilst explaining that you would like to stay married, and completely another to yell or be hysterical. Should you scream, accuse or point fingers at your spouse, you’re giving him or her even much more reason to want to stay away from you. If you want to discover ‘how to stop my divorce’ you need to let go of the anger and resentment you really feel toward your partner.
You also have to become willing to work on your problems. You must agree that the relationship can’t go back towards the way it was, but should change for the much better. Suggest marital counseling. Clarify, “I wish to cease my divorce,” but make it clear you know your partner was unhappy with the way things were, and you are prepared to make them better.
Many people find themselves in the mists of a divorce, when that isn’t what they want at all. If that is you then do your part now to stop it. You do have the power to change the outcome of it. Even if the papers have already been filed and proceedings have begun it isn’t too late. There are many reasons why you should try to stop a divorce including:
Stopping A Divorce Isn’t Simple
- You don’t feel it is the right direction for your marriage
- You feel that with some efforts the marriage can be a good one
- You want to spend your life with your partner and not someone else
Stopping A Divorce – Are you Listening?
Being a good listener is a key element if you want to stop a divorce. If the past you may have had the idea that things need to be your way or no other way. If you didn’t listen to the thoughts of your partner or care what they said then you need to show you can be different. Identify specific elements of the situation that you are willing to look at differently. Find out from your spouse what would need to take place in order for the divorce to be stopped from their point of view.
Do you want to be with your partner?
When a divorce is in process a person goes through many different emotions. They often realize that they took many things for granted in the past. They want to change that all but think it is too late. You need to ask yourself if you honestly want to be with your partner in the future. If you do then pursue it with every effort that you can. Don’t allow the anxiety of being alone though to make that decision for you.
Stopping A Divorce – Are you Allowing your Partner to Grow?
While a marriage is a union between two people there are still two individuals to consider. Are you allowing your partner to grow? If you find that you haven’t you may have a way to allow your marriage to be saved. Too often a person will try to hold their partner back out of fear of being left behind. Yet when there is a divorce in progress that is what is happening. Allowing them to see you are going to be supportive of their personal growth can encourage them to give the marriage another look.
Stopping A Divorce – Deal with the Past so you can Enjoy the Future
Before you can move forward to give your marriage another try though you need to deal with the past. There are likely many issues out there that weren’t addressed and that is part of what lead you down the road to a divorce in the first place. Don’t pretend that they didn’t exist or assume that they will simply go away. Instead you need to make a plan of action both of you are happy with to deal with them.
Stopping a Divorce in Conclusion
Make sure you give that process as much time as you need to. Don’t rush the decision to make another commitment to each other. As long as both of you are committed to trying though you are on the right track. You can avoid a divorce for yourself and you can appreciate the fine qualities of your relationship once again.
The divorce process can be stopped at any time prior to the final paperwork being filed. If both parties are in agreement, one simply does not sign or notarize the final papers. Hopefully now you have some ideas about how to stop a divorce.
